Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
organizing the empties. That sober.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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