I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
