i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
