Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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