i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
