i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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