Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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