hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
