wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
