the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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