the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Randomize
