She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
we're so committed to being not committed
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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