What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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