i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
Randomize
