I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
