I accidentally had phone sex last night
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
Give him a trash can and a welcome home balloon, he will be good.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
