I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
