Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
areolas are like halos for boobs.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
We're too hungover to prance.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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