well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
i used baking grease as lip gloss
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
