Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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