You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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