i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
