no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
