just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Randomize
