dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
