i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Randomize
