Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
