I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
