Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
