ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
I'm getting the lip of my vagina pierced & you expect ME to be the voice of reason?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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