Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Randomize
