Nicole vs. Life
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
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