If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
