I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I don't think brook has ever known best
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
