Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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