i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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