grandma shit on top of the toilet
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
