soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Randomize
