WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
