Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
