We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
