Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
