fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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