The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
