Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Randomize
