Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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