i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Randomize
