i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I just feel like you're using me for sex.
I'm glad you finally understand the context of our relationship
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
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