also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
