i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Randomize
