Pregnant stripper...not hot.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
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