my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
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